Missed me? So did I (long story). All that matters now is that I’m back, and just as depressing as ever. No amount of meds can fix this busted ass brain of mine. Shall we get on with it?
Excel is fun! No, I’m serious. It really is as long as you fill it with something you care about like your favorite team’s stats, how often black comes up, or, I don’t know, stamp statistics. Fill it with video game stats, and you can get a picture of the video game industry as a whole. I did it the past two years already thanks to my insane hobby of writing about game releases weekly, and this time my methods have become far more sophisticated. By that I mean I used Excel instead of an abacus.
How does one compete with the ultimate superhero video game ever? Well, the general consensus looks to be to drown the damn thing with so many titles coming from almost every genre under the sun, it’ll make your head spin. Thankfully, I have a neck brace handy.
One day, I’m going to write an epic poem about the depressing video game releases of the summer lull period. On that exact day, I’ll also realize that I can’t write a poem for jack squat, but that’s beside the point. This week’s releases aren’t exactly bucking any of the summer lull trends. It’s a crappy week, and no amount of salad dressing will make taste any better. Trust me, I’ve tried. Cheer up! If you consider yourself a gamer, then you have a pile of games sitting somewhere waiting to be released from their cellophane prison. Be nice to those games and release them. They’ll thank you for it.
Because last week just wasn’t awesome enough, we follow up last week with more sequels that we probably just can’t live without. Even if they’re kinda weird sequels. On the one hand we’ve got a sequel that we’re looking forward to mainly because the last one really wasn’t that good, but it had potential which it never lived up to. The other one a good number of people aren’t looking forward to at all because the original is just too awesome, and this sequel will only mean that the developer won’t be supporting that one with updates and whatnot. Confused? Gamers are a finicky bunch aren’t they?